Yes, it's hard to be childless when you desperately want to be a mother, and Bibi Lynch's article (Mothers, stop moaning!, Family, 31 March) is one long howl of pain. I find it hard to be sympathetic to her, though, because her tone is threatening – what does telling mums we don't know we're born achieve? And her logic is flawed. No one would deny that parenting is incredibly fulfilling and rewarding, but it is also one of the hardest things to do at times, and attacking mothers (what about fathers, Bibi?) for talking about the tough times on the basis that it's hurtful towards childless people is ridiculous. Parents don't do it to deliberately hurt anyone and so don't deserve such vitriol. I bet there's plenty of stuff Bibi "moans" about that could potentially upset other people. We all have difficult stuff to deal with, and we're all entitled to talk about it in public, and the vast majority of us do it without unnecessarily blaming others for our pain.
Deb Hampson
High Peak, Derbyshire
• I'd like to apologise to Bibi Lynch for ever having any problems not as bad as hers. I didn't realise women were in such competition with each other. She may well find her old age will be more lonely than even she had expected after she has offended all her child-having friends and family into giving her a wide berth (no pun intended). I wonder how her nieces/nephews will feel when they realise she feels so vehemently opposed to their mother's problems (when she has them) or that being their aunt just isn't that good after all? But to continue where I started, sorry, Bibi, I hope I haven't upset you too much by being a mother and I hope you're going to be OK.
Lee Street
Meltham, West Yorkshire
• It is impossible not to feel great sympathy for Bibi Lynch. But isn't there a difficulty with her argument that a person can only complain about their lot if there is no one worse off than them? Presumably this also applies to her. Tragic though her situation is, there are even worse ones. Rather than attack mothers, why not accept that anyone in difficulty can benefit from expressing how they feel? This includes those who, regrettably, can't have children, and also those who can, but who experience very real difficulties.
Madeleine Goddard
London
• Until my late 30s, I firmly believed I'd never have children. I too wept on friends and relatives, sharing many of Bibi Lynch's bleak reflections on her childless future. Regardless of parental status, I and no doubt many others appreciate her pain. But why does she vent such anger on what she perceives as ungrateful "mothers"? Why not "some mothers" or "some parents" who allegedly "don't know they're born"? She assumes she sees the whole picture and sees it for a whole category of women (not men?).
It's reductive, insulting and damaging to lump all mothers together, no matter how grief-stricken one is. This is not a "them and us" society, split between the child-plus and child-less women. Many a (step-, biological, adoptive, foster or other variation) parent has been woefully childless before taking on the rewarding and tough job of raising small people to be resilient, happy, confident adults. Cut some slack and open your eyes, please.
Gill Kirk
Bath
• Saturday's Family section contained one long whinge after another. First Bibi Lynch blamed all mothers for her own failure to have a child, even though it was her own choice and not due to an inability to conceive. In the face of such venom, even her own sister was, she said, "nervous" about announcing her pregnancy. And Lynch's ignorance about postnatal depression, a recognised medical condition, was dangerous to see in print. In the next article Rebecca Ley moaned about having power of attorney because her father has vascular dementia. Most people – my mother included – struggle to care daily for a spouse with such a condition. Ley lives miles away, her father has carers, her mother, sister and two accountants help with her father's financial affairs. Yet Ley, in her 30s, is full of exhaustion and self-pity as she manages the family property portfolios! Tim Lott's article was also filled with blame but concluded on a balanced note.
Is ranting, blaming others and self-pity the order of the day in the 21st century? No wonder the west is in decline.
Jenny Balfour-Paul
Shobrooke, Devon
• It's puzzling that Bibi Lynch makes no mention of considering adoption as an alternative. Many children in our care system cannot be returned to their biological families and would benefit from Bibi's nurture and care.
Jo Orchard
Sutton, Surrey